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Even if I cry a thousand tears tonight,
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i live by the quote : " IM TINY BUT IM BIG. " I think patrick and purple is HOT and being retarded is cool. (ok maybe not really.) Pure 100% retard, 100% sugarfree jellybean, 0% fat free, 100% proud bandsmen, and part of the Efamily and rvklarinutz. o81194. kenicko_dreamz@hotmail. I am lucky to have great people in my life! :) "things change the way we feel. and things change." |
i cant believe you are throwing it away,
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| Wednesday, July 02, 2008
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Dont try to mess me up more, i mean it.i can type this whole thing in caps in font size 100 and i wont even freakingly care who reads it who thinks of it how your thinking of me is gonna change because i just feel so freakingly everything right now. i know this is a public blog so i shall vent everything on my private one later on. im sad disappointed uncertain of every single thing. you wanna hear whats going on lately? Its all a disaster. Nothing is coming out the right way. Every single freaking thing is off the track. And all i get from all th people around me are disappointed faces. I HATE THE LOOK OF DISAPPOINTMENT ON ANYONE'S FACES, including mine. maybe i should just STOP THINKING THAT AS LONG AS PEOPLE DONT SHOW IT PEOPLE REALLY DONT MEAN IT. STOP THINKING THAT EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT EVEN IF YOU DONT DO ANYTHING. STOP THINKING THAT EVEN IF THE WORLD COMES DOWN ON YOU THRS GONNA BE SOMEONE THR. STOP THINKING THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT AND UP TO IT. I dont know what to do, what to say what to feel about everything going on here, right now. I cant find a place to settle my thoughts, or just to think through everything. Because i end up having a huge headache. I'm afraid to open my eyes one day to see that everything of me is falling apart. Because i can feel it coming. SO WHAT IF YOU TRIED YOUR BEST TO MAINTAIN EVERYTHING? it doesnt mean once you have made the best out of it, means you have done your best. it doesnt mean doing your best means its the best. it doesnt mean its the best for you means its the best for everyone else. it doesnt mean youve tried very hard to improve to keep up to buck up IT WILL WORK. CAUSE IT NEVER DOES. IT NEVER WILL. &you know what. im crazy im lousy everything now is getting worse. It doesnt mean trying your best is enough, isnt it. Because best is supposed to be the best. i know saying all these wont help, wont make a difference, and not believing in myself is just gonna bring me down even more. I JUST WANNA VENT, OKAY?! JUST WHEN I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS GONNA BE OVER. THINGS JUST HAVE TO COME UP. THEY JUST HAVE TO. one by one, its really, really killing me. i have to set priorities, make choices i would regret but i have no choice to make. it just, JUST HAVE TO HAPPEN THIS WAY. one of the times when you feel sick. Sick of believing in yourself. i will feel better. i will smile and laugh like no one cares. The faith will be back. Because i just need a place to vent. |